So I Married A Flesh-Eater

Don't Pass the Turkey, Please!
by Kira Sampson

f you're vegetarian and your partner isn't, it really doesn't matter whether you spend Thanksgiving with your relatives or his -- someone is probably going to give you a hard time about not eating turkey and all the other traditional Thanksgiving foods. This is where some of that "tolerance" and "flexibility" I mentioned in the first column come into play.

Now, by that I don't mean to compromise your principles -- far from it! But you have to face facts: no one knows better than family how to push all of your hot buttons. Just treat this topic like you would any other topic that you and your family disagree on. If you like a good fight, then go in swinging. If, on the other hand, you prefer to keep the peace, just smile, nod, and try to change the subject.

This could be a delicate situation if your partner uses this occasion as an excuse to enlist help to try to persuade you to drop the vegetarianism. As a preventive measure, it would be a good idea to sit down with your partner beforehand and discuss this issue. Tell your partner that even though they disagree with you about vegetarianism, this is one time when you could really use some support. If they can't give you active support, the least they can do is not join the ranks of the "enemy" -- so to speak.

A second preventive measure is preparing and bringing one or two vegetarian dishes so you know there will be at least some food there that you can eat. This is the time to bring out your very best, most festive recipes, to try to show your family that being a vegetarian doesn't mean giving up anything -- what it does mean is saying yes to a healthier lifestyle and some pretty darned delicious food.

Now, you know and I know that someone is going to make a comment like, "Oh, you can have the green beans -- they're vegetables" when you know they've been cooked with bacon or pork or some other meat. And they're not going to understand when you say politely, "No, thank you." If the person gets insistent, or insulted, you will have to decide whether you really want to get into a serious discussion of the ethics of vegetarianism, or just let it go and remain adamant with your "No, thank you."

And speaking of the ethics of vegetarianism, Thanksgiving is probably not the time to try to make converts (although if someone is genuinely interested, you will certainly want to discuss it with them). Holidays are a time when we generally want to try to minimize our differences and come together in as much harmony and unity as possible. Undoubtedly you have changed in a lot of ways since you left home, and your family may need some reassurance that, despite all the changes, you are still the same person. You need to find a way to give them that reassurance -- without compromising your principles. It may mean an extra hug for Dad, or being a little less combative when Mom points out your "failings"....whatever it takes, try to make this a harmonious Thanksgiving, while still standing firm in your beliefs.

It's good practice for Christmas dinner -- which, by the way, is just around the corner!

__________________________________________________

Kira Sampson is a writer, homeschool mother, news editor, and editor/publisher of two newsletters, one for her local homeschool group and the other for a local writer's group.

She is also one of the Founders of People for Children & Animals, Inc. Her column, One Woman's Perspective, is a regular feature of VegSource On-Line Magazine.