One Woman's Perspective
Last Week's Column

The Vegetarian Dilemma
by Kira Sampson

s I was cruising and musing on the internet the other day, I ran across the following passage in an article called "Food and Addiction" by Stephen J. Gislason, M.D.:

"Our basic drives for food, comfort, love, warmth, and security merge as we try to establish and maintain relationships and a home environment. Eating patterns are important social determinants. Eating etiquette governs table behavior and supersedes the biological needs of the individual. Discrimination, inspired by different food preferences, is an important social fact. Eating together indicates social acceptance and tends to cement social relationships. Intimate relationships often begin with dinner invitations; ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’. Many complex food-related transactions emerge in family groups. Implicit food contracts often reflect reward and punishment strategies. Shared food preferences and eating rituals are important to the pleasure bond that keeps couples and families together. The eating patterns of couples and families are fiercely defended and one person undergoing dietary revision to correct illness throws his or her spouse or family into a crisis."

We always knew it was true, didn’t we? Eatingis so much more than just refueling our bodies. And changing our eating habits requires more than just altering the items we put in our grocery shopping cart.

In that last sentence of the quoted passage, if we change "correct illness" to "promote wellness," I think we have stated the vegetarian dilemma in a nutshell. How do we convince our loved ones that we do, indeed, still love them, even though we don’t want to participate in certain family rituals any longer? If we say we’re doing it for health reasons, they say, "Oh, it won’t hurt you just this once." If we still refuse, there is an implied criticism that we have more self-control than they. If we say we’re doing it for ethical reasons, that implies that our loved ones are not acting ethically — which they very naturally take as a criticism, also.

So what’s a vegetarian to do? Well, to quote another section of that same article:

"Life is not always a neat, rational affair. Any effort to control eating and drinking behaviors pushes against many powerful forces that resist change."

In other words, folks, it’s going to be an uphill battle. It’s going to be a process that may take a very long time — even forever (that is, the rest of your life). It may get easier with certain people who are more tolerant and understanding than others, but there are probably at least a few of your loved ones who will never understand or accept your decision. At that point, we have two alternatives: either we accept them as they are, and just let their criticism roll off our back, or we continue to try to make them understand, even try to convert them.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve found it easier to tell those who don’t understand something along the lines of, "Well, you always knew I was strange — just consider this as proof." I’ve found that humor, particularly when I turn it around so that the joke is on me, tends to defuse the situation. It’s my opinion (and it’s only an opinion — I don’t have the research to back me up) that those who take the most exception to our change in eating habits are probably those who are struggling with their own eating, either from a desire to lose weight or to be more healthy. At some point, they may be more open to learning about vegetarianism. All we can do is try to be a good example, and try to show them how much healthier we feel, both physically and mentally, since going vegetarian.

If you’re interested in reading more of the article, I have included a link below. Let me say right here that, in including this link, I am not necessarily endorsing Dr. Gislason’s particular solution to the food/addiction dilemma. I have just begun to study it. However, I have found a great deal of what I feel is very valid information in his work, particularly regarding the emotional and physical aspects of food addiction. I hope his insights can help you, too.

Food & Addiction

Kira Sampson is a writer, homeschool mother, news editor, and editor/publisher of two newsletters, one for her local homeschool group and the other for a local writer's group.

She is also one of the Founders of VegSource. Her column, One Woman's Perspective, is a regular feature of VegSource On-Line Magazine.