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Men Behaving Badly,
(The Unfortunate Sequel)
by Jean d'Isle

n last week's article (Men Behaving Badly), I talked about the tendency of male members of our society to degrade, humiliate and sometimes physically abuse their peers in ceremonies marking induction into "elite" social and professional groups. Notwithstanding the extremes, such rites can serve a useful purpose, particularly in organizations where individual survival may depend on the degree and quality of bonding achieved through such rituals.

I'm speaking primarily of military and paramilitary occupations, where members frequently place themselves in harm's way and routinely rely on someone else for their survival. An individual who has chosen to be placed in positions of peril as a condition of his employment, deserves to know what his counterparts are made of -- how they respond to stressful situations. Shared experiences, particularly of the humiliating and abusive type, are one means of making that determination. It is an essential ingredient of trust. I am not defending extremes, where sadism and revenge have become the motivational forces behind the rituals; but I do not condemn the concept.

In the U.S. Navy, when a ship crosses the equator, there is a time-honored ceremony, steeped in tradition and firmly imprinted in the memory of those who have endured it. With few exceptions, those who have been inducted into the "mysteries of the deep" by Neptunus Rex and his Royal court, count the experience as a highlight of their naval career. Officially recognized by service record entries indicating date, time, latitude and longitude, the crossing of the equator involves elaborate preparation by the "shellbacks" (those who have crossed the equator before) to ensure the "pollywogs" (those who are about to cross the equator for the first time) are properly indoctrinated. All pollywogs, even the Commanding Officer if he has not crossed before, must participate.

Several days of garbage must be collected and a chute constructed; lengths of fire hose must be trimmed to "paddle" size; costumes are designed and put together for the Royal Court; and a number of other miscellaneous details accomplished prior to sunrise on the day of crossing.

Ceremonies vary from ship to ship, depending on the collective experience of the shellbacks, but they all follow a basic format. All pollywogs are rousted out at sunrise, wearing the pollywog uniform of the day: skivvy shorts and shirts (underwear, to you lubbers). They are herded to positions along the main deck rail by paddle-wielding shellbacks, where they are "encouraged" to watch out to sea for blue porpoises (periodic calls of "No blue porpoises on the horizon" are interspersed with resounding smacks of the paddles). Sighting of the blue porpoises heralds the arrival of King Neptune and his Court, and the commencement of the ceremonies. The Royal Court may vary in size, but usually includes the King, a Queen, a number of princesses (it's a cross-dresser's dream come true), a Royal Baby, a Royal Barber, and a Royal Dentist.

Each pollywog is herded into the garbage chute and "encouraged" to keep his head submerged the entire length of the long structure. Shellbacks roam the length of the chute to provide the pollywogs with the necessary incentive. Emerging from the chute, each pollywog must take a turn before individual members of the court. The Royal Dentist squirts some disgusting liquid in their mouths; the Royal Barber shaves large swaths of hair from each head; other court members put each pollywog through a number of humiliating routines which I will leave to your imagination; and finally, each must kiss the lard-slathered belly of the Royal Baby (usually the fattest, grossest shellback in the crew). When all pollywogs have been thoroughly humbled and humiliated, they are gathered on the main deck before the assembled Royal Court and solemnly accepted into the Royal Order of the Deep, henceforth to be known as shellbacks.

With the sea going navy an equal opportunity employer now, I'm not sure how ships are accommodating mixed crews in these ceremonies. They would have to be modified considerably from the one I went through, or risk a variety of headline accusations and investigations. I'm sure Pat Schroder would be glad to reenter public life to take this on.

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Jean d'Isle is a retired naval officer living in Hawaii.During his military career he served in a number of overseas assignments, including Germany, England, Spain, Viet Nam and Puerto Rico. Following his retirement, he was an adjunct faculty member of Hawaii Pacific University and is currently under contract with the U.S. Navy at the submarine base in Pearl Harbor.

Jean's column, View From d'Isle, is a regular feature of VegSource On-Line Magazine.