Family Matters

Decisons, Decisions...
by Janet Tubbs

ifty years ago, a popular expression was, “Let George do it.” It meant, “I don’t want to take responsibility for my life” and/or “I don’t want to get involved.”

Things haven’t changed much since then. Many people are still content to allow others to do their thinking for them. How else can we explain the huge number of “experts” in the field of children’s and adult problems? Too often, “George” attempts to identify and rectify problems that may not have occurred if parents understood the responsibilities and difficulties of parenting.

People pay thousands of dollars to counselors to help them recognize the source of their problems, and sometimes this is absolutely necessary. Others go to psychics for readings and call talk shows for advice. We’re a society that prefers to pay someone else to solve our problems rather than taking the time to do a little soul-searching and relying on our own “gut” feelings.

In today’s hectic and unsure world, many people have so little regard for their own ability to create their world that they prefer to “let George do it” and soon George’s reality becomes theirs. If we don’t encourage our children to be self-directed, intuitive, resourceful, creative and respectful, we can look forward to a future generation of adults who are unable to guide their own destinies, let alone their country’s. That’s a scary thought.

Successful people aren’t content to “Let George do it.” They make things happen instead of simply allowing things to happen to them. They’re positive, optimistic, and self-assured and they accept responsibility for their decisions.

Making decisions begins very early in life and is a good way of implementing positive behavior. Encourage your child to make decisions and then respect him enough to go along with his choice if it isn’t dangerous, life-threatening, or harmful to others.

When we allow children to make a choice, why do we sometimes negate the whole process by refusing to allow them the opportunity to take full responsibility for it?

Can you relate to this true story?

Alicia was playing quietly with her dolls and Mother was ready to give her a bath before bedtime.

Mother
Alicia, would you like a bath?

Alicia
No.
(You can see where this is going, can’t you?)

Mother
You’re all dirty from playing outside.
I think you should have a bath.

Alicia
I don’t want one.

Mother
Well, you’re going to have one.

Alicia
No!

Mother
Don’t say “no” to me, young lady!
Get in the bathroom right now!

Mother grabs Alicia who begins to cry, and plunks her in the tub.

What went wrong here? Mother had already decided that her daughter needed a bath, yet in the way she asked Alicia, she offered Alicia the opportunity to disagree or refuse. Alicia decided that it was more fun playing with her dolls that taking a bath.

Obviously, Mom didn’t agree and by insisting on having her way, she gave the message that Alicia’s opinions, activities, or desires are worthless.

To eliminate potential arguments and tears, offer your child a choice between two items, whether it’s clothes or breakfast. If you ask Jeremy what he would like for breakfast and he replies, “Pancakes with spaghetti sauce and french fries” you’d better be prepared to give him pancakes with spaghetti sauce and french fries.

If, for some reason, you don’t think that’s an appropriate breakfast, ask if he wants pancakes or cereal. If you ask Jeremy to pick out something to wear to school and he chooses a bathing suit, what would you do?

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Janet Tubbs is founder and president of Children’s Resource Center, in Scottsdale, Arizona.

She is also one of the Founders of People for Children & Animals, Inc. Her column, Family Matters, is a regular feature of VegSource On-Line Magazine.

You can visit Janet's home page by clicking on this link:

Children's Resource Center