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I#%)@*&%!
by Janet Tubbs

ursing is part of growing up. It’s one of those "forbidden fruits" that all children yearn to taste. And like so many other prohibited things, once the act is done or the words uttered, the thrill is gone. It's the idea of doing or saying something shocking that is exciting to a young child; if they see that their parents aren't shocked, they soon stop. The audience isn't there.

Children should learn that cursing is unacceptable in your family. Parents are role models; if they use profanities, so will their children. In too many homes, it's a case of "Do as I say, not as I do." Children who are angry will use the most intense means of venting that anger, physical or verbal; cursing and yelling are the two ways of expressing it verbally.

If children are given techniques for diffusing their anger, and if they observe these in action by their parents, cursing probably won't become an issue. A family can use a silly or totally unrelated word to use in place of an expletive, for example, "Lemonade." If Dad drops a tire iron on his foot, or Mom drops a plate of her best china and they yell "Lemonade!" it strikes everyone as funny and the moment for cursing is past.

Some "experts" feel children should be removed from any situation that may be competitive where losing will encourage cursing. This is teaching children to avoid competition that is part of life. Children compete naturally with themselves, peers, siblings, even parents. It is simplistic to believe that refusing to allow children to participate in activities or not allowing them to differ with others will prevent them from cursing in anger.

Here are a few easy-to-follow rules that may help:

• As parents, do not use foul language.

• Make it clear that cursing is unacceptable.

• Explain that we have a language that provides all the words ever needed to express ourselves.

• Use one silly word in place of profanity. Heck, darn, or dagnabbit are good substitutes.

You may find your toddler uttering a four letter word, which will probably make your hair stand on end. Little ones are a lot smarter than we give them credit for; if one word can give them so much attention, why not repeat it again. And again. And again. If shocked parents can control themselves and ignore their cherub's "foul mouth," it will go away. Trust me. I wouldn't repeat what my beautiful little 18-month-old son said for hours one very long day. Believe me, there are times when the experts are wrong -- he didn't pick that up at home!

But, ignoring the same thing in older children is different. It won't go away and may intensify if they feel it's condoned by Mom and Dad. Parents may never be faced with this situation if their home is one of mutual love and respect; however, even in the "best of homes" cursing occurs. Then children must be disciplined -- not punished.

They need to know that cursing will not be allowed in your family and is as unacceptable as physically hurting someone else. As a result, they will lose privileges or whatever you use as disciplinary methods. They'll soon learn that one or two words just isn't worth being grounded or losing their allowance over.

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Janet Tubbs is founder and president of Children’s Resource Center, in Scottsdale, Arizona. Her column, Family Matters, is a regular feature of VegSource On-Line Magazine.

You can visit Janet's home page by clicking on this link:

Children's Resource Center